Can You Have Empathy Without Vulnerability?

“If things are fucked up, it makes sense to be fucked up.” is something I’ve said in most of my sessions over the last few months. It’s something I have to remind myself too from time to time. And, I’m not sure if you’ve looked around? EVERYTHING IS FUCKED UP!
Everyone has empathy. Everyone is posting about resources and sharing gofundmes. And everyone also seems to be fine? Why is it easier for us to be ask for help for others, but not ourselves? Everyone else can “crash out” but heaven forbid we let our vulnerability leak past your Close Friends story on Instagram.

My therapist told me community requires vulnerability, and I’ve been chewing on that for a while as I work on what it means for me to be vulnerable. To show or give empathy without allowing anyone the opportunity to return the favor is one-sided. And what kind of “community” works that way?

Is it scary to open ourselves up in front of anyone? Yes. Does it make me personally want to crawl out of my skin? 100%, I’d rather die. But we owe it to ourselves. And we owe it to each other as a way to honor someone else’s vulnerability.
When we open ourselves up, it can feel lonely, even if you’re with others. But that’s what they want. They want us to feel like we’re alone in our suffering. They want us to feel like there’s no help for us.

So tell you’re loved ones your scared, you’re freaking out, you don’t know how to get groceries this month. You deserve the honor of having your experience witnessed. You deserve the same empathy you put out into the world. And the way to that place is through vulnerability.

Allow yourself to cry, to scream, to lose your goddamn mind. And allow others to witness it. I really do think you’ll find a lot more comfort and solidarity than you’d expect.

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